Saturday, March 13, 2010

Where all geese are swans.

Disinclined to write for so long that I leave no room for apologies. I guess you all know by now that this blog needn't be followed and checked regularly for updates. Besides, funnily enough, I can think productively only on my escapades to the middle of nowhere. Much to Mom's dismay who isn't comfortable with the idea of a single female traveler. Anyway I am not seeing her until long and when I do I ain't mentioning it to her.Only one regret, forgot to bring my camera. Suddenly feel like Gogol's conjoined twin, Namesake, remember? where his dad wants to capture the scene on the shore but realizes he forgot his camera, and then he asks Gogol, "will you remember this place? the place from where there's no place to go". And they never took a picture. He always remembered the place. So will I.

I was thinking of some readymade excuses like I was sick, I was working,I am dying but I'm not wasting my time doing that and tell it like it is. This is that phase in my life where the center of my focus is the only thing that's important to me. Everything else is just a distraction. Moved to a new place, ran into troubles every single day. But, all that is behind me with newer challenges springing up to tease me out. Blog, films...can wait. Also, I have never had so many important decisions to make, not since the first time I saw footwear at Macy's so many that I wanted to weep.

I've grown up(or so I think).I guess time teaches you everything whether you wish to learn or not. You think you're comfortable being yourself, it teaches you otherwise. Yet, remember the time when I thought world a smaller, quieter, simpler place .
And of course the work. I am buried in work to a point where anybody else mentioning how busy they are annoys the living fuck out of me. Make this work go away, life time of play if you can. Feel sorry for all those hundreds of downloaded films pining to be watched, stashed in the hard drive. Right! this is how I express my love for them ; Stash'em. "No, not seeing you till the time I have nothing else left to do. But, I still love you." Btw new respect for Amreeka , net is faster and downloading easier. So, all my filmy friends you need to come over for a number of reasons, this being the biggest.

So, what am I doing here? Just because me thought of letting the center of the focus become a fringe and also, in case you hadn't noticed, my dying, dying, dead blog desperately needed a post. Pronto.
Think I've used up all readymade excuses and wasted enough time.

It's terribly unsettling to treat my baby like this and then I say I love (*note: not like but love) writing. Lol.
Maybe this is the thing about love. you often start taking things for granted as to never take time and think about them. No? Okay. Just me, then.
And yeah, this post is about love. Sorry, the title was of no help.

I can thank and blame Med school for myriad of reasons and this one in particular, it made me realize how easily we can forget the most important things in our lives. It sometimes takes a hostel mess to appreciate home cooked food. I missed home and my family. Let me take this moment to confess my eternal love for them. Dad, I love you. Maa, I love you. "Oh puhleez, don't they already know this??! Save the drama will ya?" you ask. Yes, they do.Well, at least she does. We have this little thing between us; I gift her something each year on valentines day, as a token of my L-O-V-E.
This self made family ritual started when I was still a child, a 4th(?) grader, when India was only coming to terms with the concept of Valentine's day. Well, now it has risen to worrisome proportions with everybody wishing everybody "Happy valentine's day" as if it was the same deal as wishing "Happy new year". So, there I was, randomly asking people what was it all about. I remember, one Auntyji trying to explain it to a 4th grader while cleverly trying not to mention about Gfs and Bfs. She said 'you send roses and gifts to someone you love' or something to that effect. Ah, That's simple. I knew somebody I loved. Maa and Dad. And because dad was abroad, Maa was, by default, my official valentine. I bought her a gift. A pair of earrings. Yes, they must have been really inexpensive(or what's the other word for that, ah, priceless!) to accommodate in my pocket money.
I remember she laughed the day away. And I still get laughed at for not being able to understand what Valentine's day meant. Anyway, I kept on giving her presents on subsequent V-days. Don't know why maybe because there was no proper way to save face after that :P
It was only a few months ago when she was cleaning out her closet, she brought those earrings to me. I was surprised to see she kept them for so many years and I knew it's things like these that'll make me miss her when I'm gone in a way that I have missed her never before.

With dad, it's a little different. Maa would always say I've taken after him, in mannerisms and general outlook about life. I like when she says that. Dad is what they call "the son of the soil", a completely self made person, he comes from a place that has a weird name, is difficult to spell and is unknown to 99.999 % people on this planet. I can lay a bet on this one . The 0.001 % people who know where it is are actually the people from that miniature village in the back of beyond. It's going to sound funny if I try to explain what he means to me , because all my major decisions , career and otherwise are loosely based on his own dreams and aspirations, things he wanted to do, but couldn't.
He was a brilliant student and is an extremely down to earth person. Could that be something Maa fell for? She being the uptown girl. Opposites attract, no?

 Lines of Beauty by Chidi Okoye.
Back to the topic.
Have you ever had this feeling that life is difficult, if not impossible, to live without a companion, without somebody living in your head. That something , that comes from the heaven and makes part of earth a heaven too. In your eyes. It's not just a feeling, definitely not just a phase, that will get over , maybe it's a place where everybody and absolutely everybody wants to be in. A place where all geese are swans. Have you ever wished you wanted to be there? Yes? Keep reading.

Or maybe not,we don't want to be there. We're still young. It is tough being the age you are and not being able to experience what people of our age can. But ,no, not this once. Singlehood is a bliss, dating is fun, what if the last relationship went straight to hell, we're always up. Nothing's serious at our age. I know you're nodding a yes. (And now playing single ladies on ipod)
But, Maa thinks otherwise. Believe me all mum's do. Their eyes are peeled all the time, ready to find a potential partner in every place and every situation.

While I am busy charting out my career, resume building, pretending I am getting somewhere, beating myself up for not having enough time, deprived of all the fun things and killing my life (believe me I'd save so much time if I just shot myself instead), I don't mind listening to her preoccupations, her worries and the "ways of the world" once in a while. And all this to hint me that my marriage is on the cards. Aaaand the hunt is on. No matter howsoever embarrassing that might be. "Maa, he's a colleague. Maa, he's just a friend. Maa, but I don't like him. Maa, that douche bag? really? Maa, he's actually a girl". Lol that was a bit over the top, but this is what the situation-room is like. Lol. Believe me it's huge fun inventing excuses like that. And my all time fav would be "Maa, I am not ready for marriage" which btw has some honesty and is not entirely a product of my creativity.

So, what happens when the time tested, fully trusted "pados ke sharma ji ka ladka/ladki" matrimony seems like a complete misfit? Matrimony sites come into the picture, and so many of them. It's like the whole world is coming together to find you somebody.It's crazy, it's queer, it's here. Deal with it!
But, whatever happened to finding true love? That twinkle in the eye and the promise of a rose?

Maybe Swayamvar is an answer to the current problem in the future (the second most popular thing to happen last year. first being PS-3, no doubts). But, sadly it's not made available to the public yet, is currently in phase two trials with Rahul Mahajan as the guinea pig (make sure you read the pig again). Anyway, I would still thank him and Rakhi Sawant for the sole reason that they have provided this country with a zillion new punch lines. Till the time they're not available, the swayamvars of course, everybody hope that love will find a way in the current setup.

I'm sure there are guys and girls out there who recognize with me (Rahul, Namita, hope you're reading this. And I kept my promise of moving past my current schedule) wish you all the very best in finding yourself similar background, same age-group, similar family values, similar profession, matching horoscopes, similar perspectives, blah blah a companion to keep you interested for the rest of your days.

Who you'd love to walk with on marine drive (no, not a fancy restaurant),on a hot and humid Indian evening, eating channas watching the night fall and striking a good conversation or just looking at the sea with vacant eyes and talking about your future, cracking a joke about your kids being named as "chutter putter" instead of giving them proper names. While you're trying to ward off mosquitoes and failing at that , lost in the bliss of companionship, moon light and the oblivion called love.